“i want to be over you
i want to be over you so i don’t
wake up at 2 am expecting one of
your drunk texts
i want to be over you so i can brush
my teeth without thinking about what
your plans are for the day and if
they will eventually overlap with
mine
i want to be over you so i can toast
a bagel and make coffee in
the morning without
feeling lonely
i don’t want to associate
the sounds of coffee
dripping and dogs barking and the
garbage truck driving by my
window with missing the sound
of your groggy morning
voice, thick with sleep and
laziness
i want to be over you so i can
walk to school without anticipating
seeing you and i want to be
over you so i can stop checking my
phone during class and i
want to be over you so when my
friends ask if i’m okay i won’t
have to lie when i say
yes”
— i wish i could just say no and get it over with
“i hate that i affiliated myself
with you for so long and i hate
that i defended your actions
and i hate that i mistook your
immaturity for an enduring trait
and i hate that i made you a
mixtape and i hate that i spent
money on you and i hate that i
didn’t believe you (of all
people) when you said you
were a piece of shit and i hate that i
let you meet my family and i hate that
they still ask about you and
i hate that i let you have such a
big impact on my life and i hate
that i still can’t trust people
because of what you did and
i hate that thinking about
you still makes
my heart rate increase and
i hate that if you asked me to come
see you i wouldn’t run the opposite
way”
— i don’t hate you but
“watching you move on was
stressful and i found it bothersome how
you were able to forget about
me so quickly
thoughts such as ‘you said you were in
love with me’ and ‘you
said you would make
this last’ ran through my
head as i struggled to delete
your texts and throw away the
presents you had bought me over
the months (you’d be surprised at
how many trinkets and
postcards and knick knacks
i have left from you)
i don’t want to forget about
you but a small part of me is trying to
push everything you ever said
to the back of my mind and
into the garbage bin
the other part of me is trying
desperately to hold on to what
once was
that part of me is convinced this
is temporary and you’ll come
back with an apology;
‘i’m sorry i treated you like
shit’ or ‘i’m sorry i pretended
like you didn’t exist’ or
(my personal favorite) ‘i
wish i hadn’t said those things
to you when i knew i was
going to leave and i ultimately
regret leading you on for
months and months and i
sincerly hope you forgive me
for wasting your time’
but one day i will grow tired of
waiting and delete your
contact in my phone and throw
away the presents you got me and
unfriend you on facebook and
dye my hair a color you
don’t like and i will be
okay”
— but that day is not today
“i want to spend fall with you because it is
my favorite season
i want to spend fall with you so i can
spread the happiness and warmth i feel when
i wake up to
a chilly bedroom and see my
breath as i exhale and i want
to spend fall with you so we
can share smiles and sleepy glances
between cups of hot chocolate and
warm pastries and rosy cheeks.
i want to hold your hands in mine
to keep them warm and i want
to fix your scarf when the wind blows it
disarray and i want to get on
my toes so i can kiss the very tip of
your nose and i want to
spend fall with you so we can watch the
leaves change from green to yellow to
orange to red to brown and i want to
spend fall and winter and spring and summer
with you because every season spent with
you is my new favorite time of
year.”
— fall
“i’m doing my best to
stay occupied and keep my mind
busy.
i haven’t thought about you since
friday and even then you were just a
passing thought
my chest doesn’t ache when your
name is brought up in conversation and
i can scroll past your facebook
posts without thinking about what
they would say if i were still in
your life.
i can go out without dressing as if
i were to run into you at
any moment and i can
wake up in the morning without
expecting a good morning text.
i really think i’ve stopped
caring about you and i hope that’s
true but for now i’ve at least
moved on from the
phase of my life that
included you and i am content
with that.”
— you’re gone and that’s okay
“1. first of all how dare you
2. why would you tell me you miss me and then ignore me again
3. do you even care about me
4. did you ever even care about me
5. fall used to be my favorite season but you’ve ruined that
6. my parents still ask about you
7. i feel like you’re used to doing this to people and that’s why so many of your ex’s still have weird crushes on you
8. i still have a weird crush on you
9. like you can’t tell me you’re in love with me and then treat me this way
10. you said that we can still be friends but we aren’t
11. i don’t want to be your friend anyway
12. i can’t be your friend if i still think about you before going to sleep
13. fuck you
14. fuck you and your egotistical personality
15. fuck you and your stupid fucking haircut
16. fuck you and your stupid fucking wallpaper
17. fuck you and your stupid fucking dog
18. (actually scratch that, your dog is okay)
19. i want to get hot enough that i can see you in public and ignore you
20. i fucking hate you (no i don’t)
21. why did you send me those texts
22. why are you so hard to get over
23. why is your mom still friends with me on facebook
24. why can’t i stop thinking about you”
— 24 things i wish i could tell you without actually having to speak to you
“i am pretty in the morning,
with sleepy eyes and cracked
lips and a dewy face and flushed
cheeks and bad
breath.
i am pretty when i put makeup
on, when my lips are red and my
cheeks are rosy and my eyelids
are gold and my eyeliner is done to
perfection.
i am pretty when i am crying,
i am pretty when i am laughing,
i am pretty when i am fuming,
i am pretty when i am shivering,
i am pretty when i am sweating.
i am pretty when my legs
have hair on them and i am
pretty when i haven’t shaved
under my arms for months and
i am pretty when my eyebrows aren’t
groomed and i am pretty when my
face is breaking out a little bit.
i am as pretty as i can be and i’m
sorry you can’t see that.”
— otherwise known as ‘i’m sorry if my natural body embarrasses you’

sadness is accidentally falling asleep
for 14 hours at a time and sadness is
spilling orange juice down the
front of your new white shirt and
sadness is hearing your favorite song on the
radio and not having the energy to sing
along and sadness is pushing away everyone who
was once close to you and sadness is hearing about
tragedies like sandy hook and michael brown
on tv and not even flinching.
sadness is watching your birthday and halloween
and christmas flip away like slides on a
power point and sadness is having your
hair fall out and your nails break and
your skin fade and sadness is having
your handwriting turn sloppy and
your eyes grow dull and void of life
and not knowing how to stop it.

sadness isn’t having someone kiss your scars and
sadness isn’t elegantly crying in the shower
while water cascades around you and
sadness isn’t
putting on a dress and wandering around
a super market alone.

sadness is watching the seasons change in
front of you and sadness is breaking your mother’s
tea cup out of frustration and sadness is
picking fights with your best friend and
not being able to apologize.

sadness is bullshit.

— but you probably already knew that

please leave me alone
and stop sending me snaps of
you and your girlfriend

why are you still here
i don’t want to think of you
stop stop stop stop stop

for the love of god
i wish you would go away
i’m so sick of you

you’re a piece of shit
please stop pushing yourself
back into my life
(when you wanted out of it)

— haikus (kind of)

i’m not easily accesible;
i’m an intricate mapping of
canals and road and highways that
you can’t just come find
whenever you’re
bored.
i’m not always available;
you can’t reach me by text
you have to book a
meeting with my secretary two
weeks in advance with respect
to holidays and weekends and
vacation days and ask
her to send me a fax and then
maybe i’ll get back to you. keep
in mind that our hours are 9-3
monday through wednesday.

i’m not someone you can
call late at night when you’re
fighting with your significant other.
i’m not someone you can
invite over when
you’re horny or
lonely or
both.
i’m a person
with feelings that demand to be
felt and acknowledged and i
will not be belittled by
you because you
don’t know what you
want.

i am not what you
expected but i am my
own person and
that is good enough.

— fuck you for thinking otherwise
LT